Management Challenges - Relationship Resets
All change as far as working relations go!
Relationship Reset
This can be the most difficult part of becoming a manager, especially if you’ve been promoted within an organisation – to some you may seem poacher turned gamekeeper.
Colleagues who were your peers are now your subordinates, some of those that were your superiors are now your peers. You may be involved in more strategic activities liaising with more senior colleagues and those from other departments, and possibly external organisations, customers, suppliers, or partners.
It can be further complicated if you’ve been promoted to managing the team you’ve been a part of. You may have struck up friendships with some of your teammates, and now you’re their boss – awkward much? It’s also possible that you were in competition with one or more of your teammates for the promotion. Even if you’re new to the organisation you may be managing someone who also tried for the job. They may be resentful of your success and the fact that you now get to tell them what to do. If you’re not careful they can quickly become a destructive force within the team, even trying to undermine you or sabotage your career.
As a manager you can’t have favourites; you must treat everyone fairly. You can’t favour those you are more friendly with, and if there is anyone you don’t like very much you’ve got to get over it, they are going to need your support the same as the rest of the team.
You’re possibly going to have to review any socialising you do with members of your team to see if it’s still appropriate to carry on. That’s not to suggest that you immediately dump your friends, you just need to be wary of how your current relationships may affect you now you’re in a management role.
You will also need to build stronger links with your new peers and colleagues from other departments.
Getting used to speaking up with senior managers present can be tricky, what if you ask a stupid question, or say something wrong and make a fool of yourself?
It’s enough to make you want to take an immediate demotion back to where you came from!
Don’t Panic
Knowing that you need to review and possibly restructure your relationships means you’re already actively thinking about how to deal with the changes.
The challenge we discussed in ‘You don’t exist anymore’ related to your performance being tied to that of your team. The first suggestion in tackling that problem was getting to know your team. This will also help you iron out any relationships issues that have surfaced as a result of your promotion.
#1 – Be assertive
Find a happy medium (in the workplace at least) between celebrating or boasting about your success, and keeping quiet trying to pretend nothing has changed, or apologising for your success. Boasting may increase any bad feelings in others, and if you try and make out you’re sorry for your success it will put you at a disadvantage in your new position. Always be polite and professional.
If you don’t feel you are particularly assertive get some support, if your organisation doesn’t support or fund training, there are plenty of resources available to help you from books to YouTube videos.
#2 – Have a team meeting
It’s going to be tricky, but it’s important to let everyone know from the start that you will treat them all fairly. Make sure you create an atmosphere of respect and honesty and make it clear that that’s how you want to work going forward. Say what a great team you think you are going to be.
#3 – Get to know the team
Set up your one-to-one sessions and whilst you are finding out more about the individual team members, openly address your relationship. Tell them how much you’ve enjoyed working with them, and that you hope that you can continue to work well together. If you feel a bit strange as a result of your changed position, tell them. Ask them if there is anything bothering them about the changes. A good tactic is to see if they have any ideas for developing and improving team relations. Make sure you discuss their strengths and what they bring to the team - and if you think it’s the case that they have the skills to be a manager in future - ask how you could help them achieve that aim.
#4 – Monitor performance and behaviour
If a colleague’s behaviour is inappropriate, or bullying, start keeping a record of instances. Hopefully you will be able to deal with this without any formal intervention but just in case. Also sometimes writing things down helps bring them into perspective, and maybe allow you to see a situation from the other person’s point of view.
If you need to talk to someone about their behaviour towards you deal with it as a completely separate issue (see #6).
#5 – Get networking
As far as relations outside of your team go, it’s a good idea to start networking, at least within your organisation, but maybe outside of it too. There are many benefits to networking, such as; building self-confidence, it improves your knowledge, it develops your communication skills, you will have a pool of people to call on for support, and it keeps you in touch with what’s happening in the wider organisation or even wider. Perhaps start socialising with your new peers. This way you can start to build strong professional relationships across the organisation, which will be increasingly helpful as you grow into your new position and develop your career.
#6 – Call out inappropriate behaviour
Linked to being assertive, if someone is not accepting or resentful of your position then you must act. Not immediately, give it a bit of time to see if the other actions and time mean things settle down. However, if bad behaviour persists you must deal with it otherwise it will undermine your position. Make sure you have a separate specific and private meeting to discuss. Start by saying that it’s going to be a difficult conversation and may be uncomfortable for you both. Talk about the behaviour you are seeing. Use “I” statements as much as you can, as opposed to “you” statements. Tell them how it makes you feel. Give the other person the chance to explain things from their point of view (in a few instances they are genuinely unaware of what they are doing). Always keep your language and attitude positive and professional.
