Habits - Breaking the Bad, Creating the Good

Tips on making a change

Who am I?

I am your constant companion.

I am your greatest helper or your heaviest burden.

I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.

I am completely at your command.

Half the things you do, you might just as well turn over to me,

and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.

I am easily managed; you must merely be firm with me.

Show me exactly how you want something done, and after a few lessons I will do it automatically.

I am the servant of all great men.

And, alas, of all failures as well.

Those who are great, I have made great.

Those who are failures, I have made failures.

I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine.

Plus, the intelligence of a man.

You may run me for profit, or run me for ruin; it makes no difference to me.

Take me, train me, be firm with me and I will put the world at your feet.

Be easy with me, and I will destroy you.

Who am I?

 I am a HABIT!

(Anonymous)

Breaking the Bad

When talking about habits we almost always think of bad habits and can usually point to a couple of our own as examples! However many habits are almost totally subconscious and relate to routine daily activities we hardly think about, we only realise when circumstances force us to change.

One of my many subconscious habits was putting my right arm into a coat before my left - no big deal one of those routing activities - until my left arm developed a frozen shoulder. Now my habit was painful as I bent my left arm round my back to put it into my coat after my right.  I had to consciously think each time I put my coat on to put my left arm in first - to avoid having to bend it.  It took a while, and there were a few occasions where I forgot and suffered accordingly! Now my new unconscious habit is to put my left arm in first.

Why am I sharing this?  Because breaking bad habits and setting good ones isn’t easy, especially if the bad ones have been established over many years. It takes time, but the rewards can be great.  In my particular case the reward was no pain!

To get rid of a bad habit we first need to recognise whatever it is as a habit we want to change, for example ‘I smoke’ (I don’t, but it’s a popular choice).

Next decide what’s going to change - and just as importantly why - ‘I’m going to stop smoking - because I want to be healthier’.  Phrasing the reason in a positive way - in the stop smoking example the why is being healthier rather than because it’s bad for me - it’s more inspiring to your subconscious. 

Then decide how you are going to beat your bad habit; in the case of stopping smoking will it be cold turkey? gradual decline over a period? 

That’s the easy bit, putting it into practice is the hard part.  The only way to do this is to be strict with yourself and put conscious effort into developing your new habit ‘I don’t smoke’. 

Whilst self-discipline is vital here are a few tips that can also help when it comes to breaking a bad habit. 

Let others know that you are making the change, ask for their support, and to remind you when necessary. When you know that others know, you will put in more effort to change.

One step further is to make the change with others.  Depending on what it is you want to change, there may be formal groups where members are all trying to get rid of the same bad habit.  Informally, you may agree with a friend or two that you are going to try and change – the accountability is much stronger in these circumstances.

If the habit is situational try avoiding the trigger situations. This might not be a long-term tactic but will help during the initial stage of changing your behaviour.

Find a positive alternative that you can do instead, this is especially helpful if your old habit was time consuming.  Decide ahead of stopping the old habit what you are going to do with the time you’ll free up. You’ll feel twice as good, as not only will you be kicking the old habit, but you’ll be working on achieving a new one.

Build in rewards – set yourself mini-milestones, when you reach one give yourself a treat.

Write down your progress and successes, when things are tough, or if you have a bit of a slip it can help to read your notes and realise how far you’ve come.

Make sure you recognise the benefits - if you are stopping smoking what can you do now that you couldn’t before? or put the money you would have spent on cigarettes into a jar, or savings account and watch it grow.

Imagine what it’s going to be like when you’ve changed your habit.

It will take time, but you will succeed.

Creating the Good

Trying to start something new is just as difficult as stopping something that’s been a habit for years. 

The initial process is the same as breaking a bad habit –

What is it you want to start doing?

Why are you doing it? (Again a positive reason lands better with your subconscious)

How are you going to go about it?

Self-discipline is again the key, and all the above tips also apply to creating a new habit. There is, however, one extra tip for developing a new habit that doesn't apply to breaking bad ones.

Set a schedule, whether it’s to read more or start a fitness routine, some habits benefit from having a set time - plus if you’ve actually set up a diary commitment there is a feeling of obligation to do it – which is a bit weird as it’s only a commitment to yourself!

Whether breaking bad ones or developing new habits it’s vital to forgive yourself if you have a set-back and keep on going.

‘Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.’ (Lao Tzu)