How to Train Your Boss to be Better

Bosses are the most difficult of all difficult people, because they have authority. Many bosses haven’t been trained in managing people because they’ve been promoted based on technical ability.  Most of the time they’re making it up as they go along, probably replicating poor management they have suffered themselves and so they are probably doing it badly.  

It’s likely that they either don’t delegate or do it very badly.  Often they will just expect the work to be done, without training, they will be aloof.  Potentially they see it as a weakness to show gratitude and encourage you, being quick with criticism.  

Our bosses have a huge effect on our lives - we are in their company (even virtually) on a daily basis, in some organisations they can have a direct impact on our income, a bad boss can pretty much ruin your life.  

I’m pretty sure that having a bad boss is the biggest reason people leave their job and look for another one.

But, if you have a bad boss, leaving your job isn’t the first thing you should consider, and trying to stop caring about your work isn’t a good option either – wouldn’t it be great if you could get your boss to be a better one?  

Not easy - but not impossible.

In essence, you treat them the way you would want to be treated. Go out of your way to be nice, smile and say hello if you pass them in the corridor, compliment them, say when you think they’ve done a good job, thank them when they do something you would expect a good boss to do.  Offer to help.  Obviously you need to be careful no to alienate your co-workers or get a reputation for sucking up, but it’s amazing how simple acts like this can wear down even the grumpiest, self-centred bosses. Don’t expect hints to work, and don’t be tempted to treat them the way you feel they treat you - that’s more likely to end up in a vicious cycle that will see your relationship deteriorate.

There are a few common, but not exclusive, issues with bad bosses, communications, lack of gratitude, taking all the credit, being unfair, not involving the team, and keeping an insecure atmosphere.  There are tactics you can use to address these.

Poor communication – nearly all bosses are bad at this, because they don’t have enough time to communicate as well as they would like to.  The ways to tackle poor communication is to always reiterate what you think has been asked of you, get clarification, arrange for a regular weekly catch-up.  Take it upon yourself to ask questions about what is going on in the organisation.  If your boss is one of those who shuts themselves away in their office and doesn’t chat to anyone, make the effort with small talk, look around their office for clues about hobbies or interests.  Over time this is likely to reap rewards as they become easier to communicate with.

Next is Lack of gratitude – I think many bosses are bad at thanking, because they think it’s a sign of weakness, but maybe they are just so busy themselves they forget, or they think it’s not necessary – after all you’re getting paid, what more do you want? 

Whatever the reason, being thanked is important so it could be up to you to take the initiative. Make sure you thank them, don’t go over the top, but where you feel that in their shoes you would like some gratitude, then give some to them.  It’s surprising how often once you start giving you will at some point start receiving.  If you genuinely think you are doing a good job, then ask your boss how they think you are doing, you can be quite specific - did you do a certain job well enough, ask for feedback. When they do, thank them, ask for feedback at your regular catch ups.  Tell them when they have done something that helped you.

Particularly annoying is when you have a boss who takes credit for your work  – there’s not so much you can do about this one. However, one thing you can do is talk about the work you do with others in the organisation. Make sure they know what you are working on.  Tell them what your responsibilities are, especially if your boss is in hearing distance - this can effectively future proof your work and make it more difficult for them to take credit for the completed article.

Then there is General Unfairness – bosses who have favourites, or those who always seem to give you the unpleasant or more difficult jobs. 

It’s very hard to be fair to everyone all the time – not every job is the same and someone has to do the least pleasant/rewarding, however if you feel that you are always the one on the receiving end it can be very demoralising.  You do need to consider whether you are being ‘dumped on’ or if in fact you keep getting the horrible job because you’re good at it!  If it’s the former then it might help to approach your boss with a specific alternative task that you’d like to work on, with explanations as to why it would benefit the organisation as well as develop yourself.  At least initially you can reassure them you’ll do the naff one too.  If it’s the latter then you could approach your boss and offer to train someone else up - you can cite the reason as building resilience.  You can also offer to help others who have been given what you consider more interesting work.  

Number five is Lack of involvement – when bosses make all the decisions without consulting you or the team.  In some instances they will have to make the decisions, but not all the time.  I think this IS an area where you can get quick improvements, by mentioning that you would have liked to have been involved and next time please could you be. Take time to discuss the organisation and what’s going on, share your thoughts of what could change for the better and suggest it gets discussed with the team.  

If you feel confident enough you can tell them after you have been informed of a decision that it would have been nice to have been involved.

Finally there are bosses who use Security as a weapon, or perhaps I should say INsecurity.  They believe, wrongly, that if they keep you feeling insecure then you’ll work harder.  So they won’t promise anything, they won’t confirm that you are safe in the job or what’s going to happen next.  This is actually self- defeating really as you spend most of your time worrying about yourself rather than the work. 

Generally it’s a bit of a game to keep you keen, but can anything be done about it?  You can be up front and tell them about the impact it’s having on you, and that you can do a better job if you don’t have the stress of the situation hanging over you.  You might also leave a jobs page open on your computer, or similar, when you go for lunch.  

Now don’t get me wrong - if your boss’ behaviour is consistently bad you need to consider if it’s bullying.  If your organisation has a bullying policy, speak in confidence to someone in HR, or another employee you trust.  None of the tactics below will work on a bully.

So those six common boss problems. I hope that if you do unfortunately have a boss that exhibits any of these that the suggestions above will be helpful.  And of course, when you become a boss, if you’re not already one, then check whether you are unintentionally guilty of any of them and set a plan to improve!

Cheers.